


In All of my Memories, I See You

by TheNyghtRaven



Category: Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Mo Dao Zu Shi, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Angst, Gen, Symbols and Memories, WangXian, WangXian Week 2019, coping with loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 09:47:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17805725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNyghtRaven/pseuds/TheNyghtRaven
Summary: Written for Wangxian week 2019 - day 5 - prompt: SymbolsI wrote this from Lan Wangji's PoV, as he tries to cope with Wei Ying being gone. But everywhere he looks, he sees symbols of Wei Ying- memories and reminders of him and how he touched Lan Wangji's life.





	In All of my Memories, I See You

**Author's Note:**

> I normally don't write in first person, but this theme, this idea just felt /right/ written this way. 
> 
> and this song played a big part in the choice of the title for this piece, as I had it playing while I wrote, and it pretty well fits the feel of the story.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM6PYawZ8nk  
> Memories by Within Temptation

The world seems to celebrate the end of the Yiling Patriarch. They feared you because they weren’t willing to hear or understand you. They say that you were utterly destroyed, that nothing of you remains in this world.

The last two relics of you were found and taken away--

Your sword, Suibian was claimed by LanlingJin and sealed away.

The ghost flute, Chenqing was claimed by your once brother of the heart. Now left to sit silent at Lotus Pier.

Everyone says that you are gone--  oh, how could they possibly know how wrong they are?

I refuse to believe that you are gone forever when you left so many marks upon my heart.

In all my memories, all I see is you. Every thought, every heartbeat becomes a symbol of you, a reminder of your vibrant and precious soul.

In the spring breeze I hear the echoes of your laughter that came so easily.

I find myself walking the walls on a moonlit night, unable to sleep. I keep expecting to hear the sound of footsteps and the rattle of wine jars.

Among the pages of my favorite book, I keep that drawing you gave me. I wish that I could have found the words to tell you the truth that day. I cherish it still, though the paper is showing the wear of time.

I visit Caiyi town and see a basket of loquats. I hear your voice and see your bright smile as you teased me. I end up bringing the basket of loquats home with me.

I walk through gardens accompanied by rabbits. They are a soft, gentle reminder of your friendship and generous nature.

Every time I tie my own forehead ribbon in place now, my fingers tremble. When you pulled it off that day I hid my confused feelings behind the mask of anger. How I wish you were still here, Wei Ying. This ribbon of mine has truly been yours for so long but I was afraid to admit it.

My fingers brush the strings of my guqin and I feel my chest tighten at the memory of a heartfelt song offered in a dark cave as a distraction from the pain. I remember every note perfectly but can’t bring myself to play the song again-- a quiet promise left unfulfilled.

I hold a silver YunmenJiang bell close. I’d found it, left behind when you disappeared back then. I hold it tightly, saying a prayer that somehow you will find your way back again. You returned once before. Changed, yes, but it was still you, returning when others had given up hope. How can I possibly give up on you now?

For the first time in my life, I find myself looking at the familiar dishes of the Cloud Recesses and missing the tint of red from the spices you loved so much.

I found a crimson hair ribbon that I keep tucked safely close to my heart. I know it isn’t yours, but the color is close enough to remind me. When I look at it I remember watching yours fluttering as you moved, as wild and untamed as the rest of you.

Thirty-three scars now spread across my back. Punishment for making a choice my family and clan could not abide. I contemplate my actions in solitude, but even now I have never regretted them. I only wish that I could have spared you the pain you suffered.

A moment of drunken anguish and a sun blooms upon my chest where once another had shown on yours.

In the child I found, that you had once loved, I see your smile and your courage. I hope that I can protect him, since I failed to keep you safe.

Wei Ying.... the world says that you are gone. But I know a different truth.

In all of my memories, I will hold these symbols of you close. I will treasure and cherish each and every one. I will hold to the hope that we will find each other again someday.

  



End file.
